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In my spare time, usually when I'm supposed to be writing or studying, I often spend hours thinking about things which in all likelihood will never happen. But still it's good to be organised, no matter how implausible the scenario may be. Here are the top ten things I think about when I'm supposed to be doing something productive:
10. If I were on death row, what would be my last meal choice?
I can spend hours debating this one with myself, despite the fact that Australia has no death penalty and probably never will. Usually I manage to eliminate all choices down to two: the pasta I had at this delightful little cafe just down from the Colosseum in Rome and a really good curry. Of course the two are vastly different and don't go together, so I'd need to pick just one... and I never can. What if I make the wrong choice? (This too can lead to several more hours of internal debate).
9. What would I do if an unfriendly extraterrestrial civilisation decided to colonise Earth?
This is not as ridiculous as it seems. A professor of Astronomy and Astrophysics actually formulated an equation to estimate the number of extraterrestrial civilisations in the Milky Way for the SETI (Search for Extra-Terrestrial Intelligence) project whereby the number of civillisations in our galaxy in which communication may be possible equals the average rate of star formation per year in our galaxy by the fraction of those stars which have planets by the average number of planets that can potentially support life per star that has planets by the fraction of those stars which have planets by the average number of planets that can potentially support life per star that has planets which actually go on to develop life at some point by the fraction of those stars which have planets by the average number of planets that can potentially support life per star that has planets which actually go on to develop life at some point and that then go on to develop intelligent life by the fraction of civillisations that develop a technology that releases detectable signs of their existence into space by the length of time for which such civillisations release detectable signals into space.
Does your brain hurt yet? If so, this can be simplified mathematically by the Drake Equation which expresses the above so much more eloquently:
My point is, that they're out there (because if it can be proven mathematically, in my mind it becomes fact). So who is to say they won't one day decide to go all Independence Day on our asses? And if they do, then I firmly believe I should have a contingency plan.
Of course I usually get distracted by something else (more often than not by watching Independence Day), so I'm yet to actually formulate the aforementioned contingency plan. But still, I feel I should have one...
8. What are the chances of surviving a plane crash? And is there anyway I can improve those chances?
Ok, so I watch too much Air Crash Investigation (and I'm starting to think that I also have a bit of a flair for the melodramatic). Thus far I've deduced that I stand a better chance over water (at least until I get eaten by sharks). Of course if my plane was to plummet in a firey ball and nose first into the ocean then I'm fucked. But then again, I'm probably fucked either way. Still, it's nice to be able to pretend I'd be able to survive. And it's morbidly comforting to also know the percentage of burns I'd be able to theoretically survive too (73%, this goes down to 72% on May 31).
7. If a cyclone/tornado/hurricane was to come racing down my street, what are my chances of surviving it?
Slim to none. My house would crumble around me like matchsticks and the only windowless room in the house is my walk in robe. But luckily it's meteologically improbable that I would be subject to this occuring.
6. If velociraptors were to come racing down my street, what are my chances of keeping them out of my house?
Oddly enough, I'm apparently not the only one to think this. I was thrilled to discover the xkcd guys also contemplate it. And if you type "surviving a velociraptor attack" into google (if you use the toolbar you only need to type in "surviving a vel" and it automatically comes up), you get 289000 results. Unfortunately my house has 14 potential velociraptor entry points...
5. Why does sugarfree V taste so good?
The answer to this one is simple. It's because it's bad for you.
4. If an asteroid was to hit Earth and cause an ELE (Extinction Level Event) what would I do?
I've worked out that it depends on the impact the asteroid initially creates. If it causes massive tsumani's then chances of survival are slim to none. If it falls on my head then my chances drop to nil. But! If the impact site is far enough away from me and the only thing I need to worry about is a new ice age, I think I stand a chance. And yes, I have forumlated an ice age contingency plan. The scary thing is that I think it would actually work!
3. What would I do if the 2012 theorist lunatics are actually right?
Pretty much screwed on this one owning to me NOT owning a bunker deep in the Australian desert, and the travel time and physical requirements needed to summit Everest if I need to move to somewhere of higher elevation.
2. Reasons to why I should be chosen to be part of the selected population of people saved in an armageddon...
I'm not going to list them, but if I ever had to put in an application I think I'd be in with a fighting chance, especially if I was creative in listing my attributes.
And the number one random thing I think about is...
How would I transport the cat in the event of a tsunami/asteroid hitting the Earth/the next ice age/armageddon?
This is a difficult one, and I'm still working on it. A cat carrier wouldn't work, it would be too akward and he hates them anyway. Thus far the only thing I can think of is strapping him to my chest and running like hell. But I'm open to suggestions on this one.
And on that note, I'm going to see if goggle has any suggestions for transporting kitten-son. And read up on those velociraptor websites. And possibly start hoarding food and looking at an investment bunker in the middle of the Australian desert. And maybe make myself some breakfast while fresh food is still available to me. And volunteer myself to colonise Mars...
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